Facebook's Dark Side

I joined Facebook about 10 years ago, when my then ‘tween daughter asked for a Facebook account of her own. I needed to see what it was all about before deciding whether to let her. I remember my first impression was the surprise I experienced when I found so many adults on Facebook. Back then, I thought Facebook was a kid's toy.

 

In the intervening years, I have spent thousands of hours on Facebook. I’ve even managed to make a living, working as a social media consultant, from my familiarity with the platform.

I turn to Facebook every day for information (What time is the Post Office open today? What’s the Hebrew word for laxative? Does anyone have a spare iPhone 5 charger I could borrow?).

I turn to Facebook for news. It’s where I most often hear about breaking news stories.

 

I turn to Facebook for entertainment, for inspiration and for making new friends. I’ve used Facebook to encourage plenty of people to consider making aliyah. I’ve answered hundreds of questions about living in Israel and I’ve met many wonderful people on Facebook.

 

I turn to Facebook to help build community. I’ve started and moderated a dozen Facebook groups on a range of topics that matter to me. Today, with a heavy heart, I resigned from moderating a Facebook group which I began and which grew to over 700 members. This group is 95% pure gold. Neighbors helping neighbors. But it is also the worst of the dark side of Facebook.

 

In the past week alone, I’ve agonized, lost sleep and lost friends over three Facebook threads gone bad. One was about a sign in a synagogue that I personally found offensive. One was about housing costs in Israel. And one was about the actions of a particular rabbi. Each thread started calmly enough. But within a short period of time, each had commenters getting downright nasty with one another.

There is something about Facebook (and the internet in general, to be honest) that brings out shockingly poor behavior in otherwise rational adults. There is something about Facebook that has otherwise decent people hurling invective at others, coarsely accusing them of all manner of idiocy, abuse and belligerence.

There is a concept in Judaism that is expressed as “Derech eretz kadma l’Torah – derech eretz precedes Torah”. It means that treating others respectfully comes first. Said another way, it’s a contradiction to be a faithful Jew and to speak to others rudely, with arrogance and unpleasantness. Even in the sometimes faceless world of Facebook.

We don’t all have to agree. But Judaism expects us to internalize the principle of derech eretz kadma l’Torah. We must learn to disagree respectfully. Until we do, I’m afraid the dark side of Facebook will grow ever darker.