Judaism Helped Me Recover from Drug and Alcohol Addiction

by Ben Emerling

 

It was a slow, gradual process but after years of pain caused by addiction, I lost all faith in any sort of faith. It wasn't always this way. As a kid I attended Sabbath service with my family and, of course, celebrated all of the holidays. Growing up a Reform Jew, religion was not a huge part of my life but definitely a big factor.

 

Growing up, I attended Sunday school and after my Bar Mitzvah I attended the Monday night youth group at my temple. At age 13 however, I drank for the first time... at a Bar Mitzvah. This was the start to my downward spiral of addiction. Since I grew up in a primarily Jewish area, we had Bar or Bat Mitzvahs every weekend. Drinking for me and my friends became the norm at these elaborate parties.

 

When I was 17, my parents paid for me to go to Israel for the summer on a trip called the Teen Mission. My parents, rabbi and friends knew I had signs of addiction and were concerned for me. I promised to all of them that I would stay sober throughout the trip. My sobriety stint on this trip lasted about a week and I quickly realized how easy it was to obtain alcohol in this foreign country. I broke promises with everyone and even myself. I did not think I had a problem but everyone else did. The consequence of getting caught with alcohol or drugs on this trip was immediate termination and a one way ticket home at our own expense. That didn't matter to me. I was there to have a good time.

 

This trip was supposed to be one where I learned about Jewish culture and enjoyed everything beautiful that the country has to offer. Of course, some of the teachings of Jewish history stayed with me but my primary purpose was to get drunk and party. The rabbi on staff and other staff members turned their heads to my behavior. Later, I found out that they knew about my partying but did not have the heart to send me home. I seriously remember praying for my hangover to disappear at the Western Wall.

 

Upon returning, my life only continued to get worse. By the time I was in college, I had developed a full-blown addiction to various drugs. I ended up hospitalized, broken down psychically and completely spiritually bankrupt. While in this cold, uncomfortable and scary psych ward, I had very little contact with anyone. Then, I got a phone call from my rabbi. He asked me when visitation hours were and that he would love to visit me if possible. This hospital was a four hour drive from the temple. And he ended up making the trip to spend thirty minutes time with me.

 

I knew I needed to make a change and the first thing I did was turn back to my religion. I realized that something outside of myself was keeping me alive, for a reason I do not know. Doctors and science did not have explanation for why I was still alive. My heart rate hit extreme highs that would have killed most people, I hadn't slept in a few days and I was 40 pounds underweight. My mental and physical condition were horrible. I was a wreck and for some reason, I was spared.

 

I quickly believed in G-d. I knew that there was no explanation for me being alive other than someone watching over me. I decided to dedicate my life after this event to sobriety and helping others. I also decided to spend six months in Israel to get the full experience that I missed out earlier in my life. I learned about what it really meant to be Jewish.

 

Being a Reform Jew, I am able to have the freedom to define my religion. I personally think that G-d speaks through others, in my case, my rabbi who came and visited. He let me know that there was a way out of this misery. I know that my faith turned its back on me, but I turned my back on my faith. Someone was always watching over me and I chose to keep my eyes closed to it while in a dark place. However, after I sought help, the resources were there and I was restored to sanity.