What I Learned From My Black Eye

Less than 24 hours before Yom Kippur, walking home from the closest bus stop, I somehow tripped and fell. Hard. On my face. I remember falling and looking around for something I could grab to break my fall, but there was nothing around and down I went.

I was a little shaken up, but after being helped up off the road, I walked the rest of the way home. I sat down in my living room to wait for the shaky feeling to pass. When it passed, I went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and was shocked to see a huge bump on my forehead.

Did I mention it was frighteningly huge?

 

A friend took me to the local urgent care center. The doctor took a quick look, told me he was concerned about internal bleeding and sent me to the emergency room. He arranged for an ambulance and, the next thing I knew, I was riding through the streets of Jerusalem in the back of an ambulance.

During the ride, two thoughts kept repeating. I couldn’t believe that this episode had escalated so quickly and I was now headed to the ER.  Besides that, I was primarily thinking of all the things for which I was grateful. Aside from the strangeness of being in an ambulance an hour after I got off the bus, intending to go home after a long day, I was thinking of all the things for which I was grateful.

 

I wasn’t in pain.
I wasn’t bleeding.
I didn’t appear to have broken any teeth or bones.
One of the ambulance attendants translated all the Hebrew questions into English for me.
I was fully conscious.
I felt that I was in good hands.

 

Once we got to the ER, my husband was there waiting. His presence brought me comfort. It was many hours before we saw a doctor, but once we did, he ruled out internal bleeding, ordered a tetanus shot and sent me on my way.

 

By the next morning, the bump on my head was much smaller but my left eye was completely swollen shut. By the next morning, I was ready to consider why this happened to me, especially so close to Yom Kippur. I don’t believe this was a random accident. One of the principles of emunah, of faith in God, is that everything God sends us happens for a reason. I don’t believe in random accidents.

 

Last week, I had a thought about what the lesson in this experience might be. I think there are several. One is the importance of gratitude. Even though it was a dramatic fall that has taken three weeks to heal, it could have been so much worse. And I am so grateful that I was spared every terrible outcome I can imagine.

Beyond that, I thought about the significance of my left eye being swollen shut. From the beginning of the Hebrew month of Elul until Rosh Hashana, I had identified a desire to judge people more favorably as one of the spiritual tasks I wanted to work on during the new year.

 

In Judaism, the left side symbolizes din – judgement, and the right side symbolizes chesed - kindness. After the fall, I was unable to see anything out of my left eye. Figuratively, I was unable to see anything from the side of judgement. I was only able to see out of my right eye, from the side of chesed.

 

Since I’m not God, I don’t know if my insight about the spiritual significance of what happened to me is 100% correct. Nevertheless, trying to make sense of my fall, recognizing that it wasn't arbitrary, helped deepen my sense that God is always communicating with us.

Our job is to remain open to the messages.