Reclaiming Modesty

In certain circles today, the Jewish value of tzniut, generally translated as modesty, is used as a weapon against women. Extremists tell women that it is immodest to be pictured in a magazine or newspaper, to walk on the same side of the street as men or to sit in the front of a bus. In certain communities in Jerusalem, New York, London and other urban centers, Jewish women are told that it is immodest to drive and certainly immodest for our daughters to ride bicycles. And there are increasingly narrow interpretations regarding modesty in dress which require, in some extreme cases, that women and young girls wear shawls over their clothes to hide their shapes entirely.

 

I’d like to take all that extremist balderdash and toss it out with yesterday’s trash. Besides abusing Jewish law as a cover for misogynist rhetoric aimed at controlling women, it turns many off to the beauty of the Jewish value of modesty. I’m here to reclaim the dignity of modesty.

 

Tzniut is often (mistakenly) explained as a series of behavioral restrictions, primarily in terms of the way women should dress. Sleeves must cover the elbows and ideally reach the wrist. Necklines must show no cleavage and ideally cover the collar bones. No pants or shorts are allowed. Skirts and dresses must cover the knees and ideally fall to the mid-calf or below. Girls and women are told that these rules are necessary because men have robust sex drives they are unable to govern. Therefore, we are required to restrict ourselves, so as not to serve as a temptation to sin.

 

 

We live in a Western value system where that which is the most exposed, the most public, is preferred. In Judaism, it’s the exact opposite. Holiness is found in hidden places. For example, the Sefer Torah is completely covered and tucked away inside a Holy Ark. It is taken out and uncovered only under very specific circumstances. The Kohen Gadol, the High Priest in the time of the Holy Temple, met God in utter privacy during the Yom Kippur service. In Judaism, holiness and hiddenness go together.

 

Further, we are both body and soul. Our bodies are external, but our essence is our internal soul.  The secular world emphasizes the physical. Judaism emphasizes the spiritual. Tzniut is a tool that helps Jews de-emphasize the physical body.

 

I said tzniut is translated as modesty, but it is more profound than that. It includes the concepts of privacy and dignity. Tzniut is a tool we have been given to neutralize the potent pull of the physical, to offset the tendency to emphasize the physical over the spiritual. Although Jewish men are also required to dress and behave with tzniut, women have a special relationship to these laws because of our deeper ability to see past externals, into the inner essence of a person or situation.

 

I appreciate the power of tzniut operating in my spiritual life. I want to be able to see past externality and into the inner core of life. As a result, I choose to dress modestly, which can be a challenge when shopping in regular women’s clothing stores. It’s not always easy to find clothing that meets my Jewish standards.

 

As a result, I do most of my shopping online, where there is a much wider selection. Knowing where to shop online, I can more easily find skirts that are long enough, necklines that are not too open and tops with full sleeves.  With Jewish, Christian and Muslim women today interested in dressing in a way that preserves their dignity, a simple internet search will turn up a collection of online stores that specialize in modest clothing.

 

My current favorite shirt is this tunic which I bought recently from Kosher Casual. The sleeves are ¾ length and the fit is loose and insanely comfortable. The raspberry color is fresh and I especially love that all the clothes sold on the Kosher Casual website, which are shipped worldwide, are made here in Israel. The tag even says, “Made in Israel with love.” Stores like Kosher Casual make it much easier for me to maintain my commitment to dressing with dignity without compromising my sense of self.

 

For me, there is no contradiction. I fiercely reject misogynist attempts to use the beautiful concept of tzniut to subjugate women.

 

And I absolutely embrace it on my own terms.