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The Jewish Home Advantage

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by Samuel Richardson
 
Please take a moment and do some time traveling with me. Specifically, I would like you to go back to those memories that say to your soul, “I am Jewish”.  What would you see, hear, taste and smell?   
 
Perhaps you are transported back to your childhood hometown. It is a cool spring evening and you hear your grandfather leading the Passover Seder. The entire family is seated around the table (maybe even two or three tables). You can smell and almost taste the dishes your mother, grandmother and aunts have always prepared at this time of year.  You hear your father and uncle telling the same stories and you help them with the punch lines of the same jokes that are still funny after all these years. Perhaps you are bored to tears – or you might be patiently yet excitedly waiting for the talking part to be over so that dinner can be served and the search for the Afikomen can begin. If you look carefully into your younger self, perhaps there is some small spark that recognizes that you are seated at a Jewish table where important – very important – Jewish history, values and wisdom is being given to you. Moving forward in time, into your college and then young adult years, think about the Passover Seders you attended. Most likely you will agree that these memories are of a different type from those of your childhood. Would that you could return to those precious moments year after year!  By the time you have children of your own, although the words of the Haggadah are virtually unchanged, they sound so different – especially if they are being read in your voice!
 
Other memorable moments from your childhood might include cold winter Hanukkah nights or the warmth of Shabbat candles being lit by your mother on Friday night. One thread common to each of these celebrations is that, regardless of the details, it is obvious from our contemporary perspective that a part of your essential Jewish identity was being formed in those moments. Another thread is that these times were spent not in a formal classroom setting – and most likely not even in a synagogue or community building – but in the home of someone very close and important to you. Finally, these events were shared not with peers who happened to be around at the time, but with parents, siblings and extended family members – the people who cared most about you in those formative years.
 
In other words, those aspects of Jewish identity that are closest to one’s childhood memories of home and ethnic value are also those with religious overtones – the Passover Seder, the lighting of Shabbat candles and the fluid nature of the extended Jewish family as a people whose origin lies in covenant with the Divine. And it is for this reason that the most recent research has found that parents play a crucial role in the development of their children’s Jewish identity quite separate from the effect of acquiring Jewish knowledge in an institutionalized setting. Finally, parents are the only ones who can both determine what is best for their child’s Jewish development and implement strategies for meeting those goals through consistent, intentional, family-centered practices.
 
Have you discussed your role in your child’s Jewish education with the clergy or professional staff of your congregation?  Would you like to have that conversation but feel less than competent to discuss Jewish education with a rabbi?  Stay tuned to this space and I will do my best to provide some answers that will lead you to ask good questions.

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